Blog love

I can't lie. This list tends to change every once in a while. If you asked me last year, it would have been different, I tell you.

{uno} From California to Kansas . Oh, Mallory. You make me laugh so much. You are such a sweetheart. I still think you remind me of Kate Hudson - personality wise and voice. This vlog had me dying and I have loved her ever since.

{due} Lipgloss & Crayons. Carly is one of my favorite fashion bloggers. I think she is gorgeous. Maybe it's because I am also pale and she helps me to realize I should dare to wear certain colors. ( I mean I did when I was younger, but I've become scared of it as I get older). She is fabulous, check her out. Who am I kidding, you probably already follow her!

{tre} Forever Newly Wedded

Karla is awesome. She is such a sweetie pie. I love that she blogs about all the things on her mind, obviously a lot about marriage. Check out her blog and she has even done lots of vlogs with her hubby for her Newlywed Game series on Fridays. They crack me up. Scott is pretty damn funny.

{quattro} Helene in Between. She is hilarious. Loves to dance and party and I love that she is not ashamed to show that off on her blog. I think my blog would have been this way 10 years ago if I had one. I was a lot more fun.  

{cinque} Strawberry Swing and Things. I've been following her for so long now. First she was a fashion/beauty blogger and now she blogs a lot about her life as a mom. I like that our girls are similar in age and I can relate to a lot of her posts.

Narrowing it down to just 5 was pretty difficult. I love a lot of blogs. All for different reasons.

Losing my sister

I am not sure if I have shared this on here before, but I will tell you a not so happy story. Sorry, but hey, it's a story that I can remember pretty well.

When I was going into 6th grade, I was 11 going on 12 years old. My sister had just gotten done with her freshman year of high school. She was a "bad girl" kinda like a "bad boy". Hung out with the wrong crowd, got in trouble, fights, didn't go to school, drinking, smoking, etc.

I remember many mornings of her 9th grade year of my mother trying to wake her up and them fighting. And not just oh I'm tired and still sleeping, I mean like my sister would go after my mom. My brother and I shared a room and I remember being so upset and scared hearing it. I remember hearing my sister dragging my mother down the hallway by her hair. She was just so evil. I don't know why. I can't imagine laying a hand on my mother. We may not get along or see eye to eye, but still. She is my mom.

Anyway, as I was saying, it was summer of 1989, the summer prior to me going into 6th grade. My sister and mom would go to court (not much was explained to my brother and I , I don't think. I don't completely remember my mother sitting with us and explaining, so I doubt it.) and by the end of summer, my sister was being shipped off to an girls Catholic boarding school in Long Island (not so close to us).

Even though my sister scared the crap out of me at times and we weren't close, it still hurt. I was just getting to that weird time in a girls life, where she has all these things happening and I had no older sister around anymore. My mother really didn't talk to me much about those things either.

When my sister would come home on weekends or holidays, we never really saw her much. She would end up going out to be with her friends all the time. My brother and I use to get very upset at that. He even wrote her a letter about it and she would write us promising to spend time with us and never really did.

When I was a teenager and almost graduating, we got a little closer. We got along better and she would let me hang out with her friends and her. I thought that was a lot of fun.

So that is a time in my life I remember quite clearly. My sister ending up pretty much leaving our family and going to boarding school. Sad, but it happened.

This photo was when we went to Yankee Stadium for the first and only time as kids. Me and my sister were going for the other team though, because we were Mets fans.

Me, my sister and brother headed to a Yankee game

Central Park

This photo is a favorite of mine because it was taken during our engagement photo shoot in Central Park with our wedding photographer, Christopher's Studio. I just love the way it looks. The kiss, me on my tip-toes, it's perfect. 

Being a working mom

My lot in life would have to be being a working mom instead of a stay at home mom. I have dreamt of being a mother my entire life and when it finally happens, I am unable to stay home and be with my child(ren) every day. It truly sucks. I am extremely jealous of those moms who are able to do so. I see their blog posts of them going about their days with their kids all the time and I think, "why can't I have that?"

I will tell you why. I have the steady, well-paying, benefit packaged job. If I didn't, we wouldn't have health care or enough money to make ends meet.

My husband stays at home with Emma because he does his work when I get home. Day care in this area is insanely expensive, so it just worked out better for us. Yes, I get very jealous all day long while I sit at work and think of the things I could be doing with Emma. I could be bringing her to the park or to some new place to explore. Even a Gymboree class or something so she can interact with other kids. Playdates don't happen because I am the one at work. My husband feels like he would be the only husband there and it would be awkward. I find that strange because he is a lot more social than I am. I am the shy, awkward one in our relationship. LOL

I also feel like it's so much harder on me being a working mother. Between work, then coming home and spending whatever part of the day is left with Emma, trying to find time to clean (I can only do this when she is asleep and I am only around for her naps on weekends), shop, grocery shop, etc is exhausting!

To be honest, I am not trying to overcome it. Why? Because I will never stop wanting to be the one there all the time for her when she is home. I want to be the one getting her up in the morning, getting her ready for school when the time comes, bringing her there and picking her up. (I might be able to do that though since my hours are so early...picking her up that is) I do hope we will have an amazing mother-daughter relationship that I see others have. I don't have that with my own mother and I would love for Emma and I to be able to talk about any and everything!

What can I say? I love my daughter

Happiness =

Emma Grace
Aaron
Emma's smile
When Emma does something for the first time in front of me.
Playing with Emma
A delicious meal
Watching tv or movies with Aaron and cracking jokes
Getting my hair done
Getting a pedicure
Finding clothes that look great on

I'm sorry

My dearest Emma,

I would like to apologize now for not being able to be a stay at home mommy. I would give anything in this world to be, but unfortunately I cannot. I hope you can forgive me for not being able to be the one bringing you to the park or to do fun things with everyday. My heart truly breaks when I find out you did something new while I wasn't around.

When I am home with you, I promise to be there for you. I promise to do lots of fun things. Play dress up, tea parties, whatever your heart desires. You mean the world to me and I want you to be happy more than anything in this world.

While I am at work, daddy plays with you. I am sure you love that too. He is a ton of fun and likes to be goofy. I will do my best to tell and show him how to fix your hair in the morning and what clothes look nice. I am sure he does pretty good on this on his own, but just in case you want a braid or something special in your hair.

I love you,
Mommy

Barney Stinson sums it up..

One word:

That's me in one word, LOL

Maybe in Emma's eyes at least. :)